Written On Her Back
by 9r7g5h
Summary: When she couldn't say the words out loud, Gabrielle wrote them on her back.
**AN:** Figured this could take place probably pretty early on in their relationship, where they're still too hesitant to actually say 'I love you' outside of really emotional situations. Just some cute fluff overall. Hope you guys like it!

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Xena.

* * *

When Xena let herself sleep deeply, she actually slept on her stomach.

It wasn't something that happened often. Which made sense. On your side you could grab your weapon and roll with it, or fling it up and into whoever was attacking. Xena, at least, could jump from her back into a full standing position with a single fluid movement. Stomach sleeping left the back exposed, was more difficult to get into a battle position from- just overall a very exposed sleeping stance.

So she didn't do it often. Not when they were traveling, since she always needed to be aware of the world around them. Gabrielle was almost convinced that she didn't sleep at all- even the slightest of noises had her jolting up, her hand reaching for her chakram or sword, ready to fight whatever it was coming near them. When it was nothing, she would eventually settle back down, though more often than they would like, it turned out to be something. In the occasional town, when it was large enough to have walls and a dedicated force that did patrols, she sometimes allowed herself the luxury. She felt safe enough knowing there were guards every few feet along those walls, and no one would sneak up on the two of them.

It almost always happened when they visited the Amazons, and, as Gabrielle was discovering, whenever they visited Cyrene's tavern.

"She always slept on her stomach when she was a child," Cyrene whispered to Gabrielle as they peeked around the door, watching Xena slumber. The two women had gotten caught up in a conversation that had started at lunch and only just finished, long after Xena herself had claimed exhaustion and left them to their own devices. "It wasn't until we started hearing about Cortes attacking nearby villages that she started sleeping on her back or side, a weapon nearby." Cyrene sighed as she took a step back from the door, shaking her head slightly in sadness, though the smile she offered Gabrielle was soft. "I'm just glad to see she still feels safe enough to do it, sometimes."

"Not nearly often enough," Gabrielle admitted, "but sometimes, yeah." Looking back into the room herself, Gabrielle chewed on her lip for a moment before glancing over at Cyrene. She had put them in the same room, but this late after Xena had already gone to sleep, Gabrielle was hesitant to join her in bed. What if she woke her?

Gabrielle was just about to ask if Cyrene had another room when a snore tore itself from the warrior, both women fighting to cover their laughter as they listened to Xena murmur in her sleep when she could breathe again. With her that deep, Gabrielle had nothing to fear. Nodding to Cyrene, wishing her pleasant dreams and promising they could pick up where they had left off in the morning, Gabrielle slid into the room and locked the door behind her- not that anyone in Amphipolis would be foolish enough to try and attack them, but still, a habit from when they were in towns that weren't quite so friendly.

Even though it was late- or early, depending on how you looked at the other side of midnight- Gabrielle shook away the exhaustion she could feel pulling at her eyes. There would be plenty of time for sleep later. They were staying with Cyrene for a week, perhaps more if the repairs that needed to be done to the tavern took longer than Xena anticipated, meaning there was plenty of time to enjoy the soft beds she kept waiting for her guests.

But even though the town was safe now, if something happened, this could be the only night Xena slept on her stomach.

Which was a shame, really. Gabrielle loved it when she did.

Xena's shoulders were, in fact, one of her most sensitive parts. Whether it was because the muscles there kept knotting whenever they got the chance (chances Xena always gave them, tensing up and fighting the way she did. If Gabrielle had told her once, she had told the warrior a dozen times, but the stubborn woman was set in her ways) or because it was some interesting erotic zone Xena just happened to have, it was her shoulders she always presented as first to be touched whenever they were both feeling cuddly. Light caresses, gentle strokes, the perfect pressure to make the skin and muscle sink beneath her touch- Gabrielle had spent hours just exploring Xena's upper back.

It was this same skin that Gabrielle found herself lightly tracing after she had settled herself into bed, her head propped up in her free hand so she could watch the muscles twitch beneath her feather light touch.

She started small, swirls and spirals that crossed from one shoulder to the other, just small wanderings of her mind as she touched. But as her thoughts became more focused, fleeting images staying to weave together a random little tale, she started to incorporate what she saw into her movements, turning Xena's upper back into the landscape for her story.

The freckle on her left shoulder became a city, while the two, almost parallel scars closer to her spine became invading armies. A light bruise became a marsh, while some small veins that lay too close to the surface became a river, the branches splitting off from the main before diving deep below ground, unable to be followed.

It was on this landscape that she wrote her tale, her fingers tracing out the paths of the armies, the defenses of the citizens, the way those who tried to flee took while those who tried to fight remained behind; every detail her mind created, Gabrielle drew onto Xena's back.

For hours she worked, muttering the story under her breath as she let it play out- no trying to control the story, as she often found herself doing when she was wide awake, just recording the events as they happened in her mind. Minutes felt like days as she chronicled the fear of the people in the city, their prayers to the gods and what results might come falling unknown to those who prayed, all while the armies slowly making their way towards them prayed as well, for victory over their foes. Lovers fought and made up, children laughed and cried within moments of each other, and everything felt on edge.

The battle finally arrived, all three sides struggling fiercely to find a way to overcome the other two, and suddenly Gabrielle found she didn't care. She cared, just as she did with all her stories, but this was a tale to continue in the morning, if she didn't forget the whole thing after entering the realm of Morpheus. Instead, pulling her splayed hand away from Xena's back, she rolled onto her own front, rotating the shoulder she had been working with and shaking out the hand she had been leaning on, removing the stiffness from the first and the pins and needles working their way through her skin from the second.

Tucking herself into Xena's side, Gabrielle signed and wrapped her arm around Xena's back, careful not to irritate the still tingling skin in her hand. The tips of her fingers just brushing against the skin just above her shift, it was with a small smile that Gabrielle returned to her movements, though this time she kept them retained to that small piece of skin.

And to the same movements, over and over again, the same letters she was almost too scared to say out loud. 'Except when one of them was too emotionally distraught to really think about the words, or when one of them was going to die,' Gabrielle thought, the reminder of the realization she had made weeks ago not a pleasant bedmate. The one she already had was more than lovely enough, and she didn't need her thoughts ruining that.

But they did, reminding that, even though it was clear the two loved each other, they only ever said the words "I love you" when one of them was about to die.

So she continued to write them on Xena's back, her own little stubborn, almost defiant act of the current state of their relationship.

It was calming, in a way, this telling-not-telling she kept up. It was not the first time she had written the words on Xena's back, nor would it be the last, of that she was sure. She knew why the words had to remain unspoken, even though the feelings were real- even though she was well able to take care of herself, if word got out that Xena's bard was something more, warlords across the realm would place a bounty on her head. As it were now, while she wasn't safe, per say, she at least wasn't an active target; those who hoped to one day kill Xena wanted someone to chronicle her defeat and the name of the person who killed her, and who better than the warrior's official bard, if said bard just so happened to survive?

A bard was a nuisance, but a potential ally in a warlord's attempt to better their reputation. But a lover was a weakness, a source of power to hold over an enemy if said weakness could be captured, or even a way to brutally wound said enemy if the weakness was to be killed.

So Xena, fearing for Gabrielle's life, even with herself to stand between the bard and any enemy who might dare come near her, kept the words to herself. Xena showed them, in other ways- catching Gabrielle's favorite fish for dinner when able, buying the fabric she'd been eyeing while at market to make a new skirt, paying attention to the newest story being worked on through the dozens of rough drafts and revisions. All the little ways Xena said those words without having to say them, without having to give them the weight they secretly possessed to destroy them both.

But still, Gabrielle drew the words on Xena's back, saying them herself in the way she knew best- through her writing.

It was dawn when Gabrielle finally allowed herself to sleep, her hand still resting where it had paused on Xena's upper back, settled right between her shoulders, fingers still twitching even as she fell asleep.

* * *

Her back felt weird when she awoke, as if someone was lightly brushing something across her shoulders. Their pattern was almost familiar, but still overly strange.

Gabrielle almost screamed, thinking it a spider- not the first time one had tried to make her back its hunting grounds. But she forced herself to calm as she heard the voice softly humming to itself, familiar tones that immediately set herself at ease.

"Xena," Gabrielle asked softly, sleepily. "What are you doing?"

"Playing," Xena answered casually. "You used my back to plan battle strategies last night," she teased, her voice light. "It's only fair that I get to have my own fun with yours."

"You were awake," Gabrielle said, mortified, a blush spreading across her cheeks and neck. "Xena, I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to-"

"Hush," Xena said. "It's fine, Gabrielle. You just got a bit excited over the armies, that's all. You can make it up to me later by telling me whatever story you were working on while I get Mom's roof done."

"It's not finished yet," Gabrielle said apologetically.

"Then you can finish it. Later. But for now, just relax, ok?"

Gabrielle did as she was asked, her muscles relaxing back into almost sleep as Xena's fingers drew across her back, ticking her spine and shoulder blades as she did.

They started out simple, swirls and stars and random circles, occasionally falling into a pattern Gabrielle couldn't quite figure out. Every time she started getting close to discovering the meaning of the pattern, Xena would move on, returning to the meaningless shapes she had been using before.

It was calming, and though she was curious as to what the repeated pattern meant, because every few moments Xena would return to drawing the same shapes over and over again on her back, Gabrielle almost didn't care enough to find out. She was warm, safe, well fed, and had the woman she loved in her bed.

What more could she want?

Not much, Gabrielle realized as she felt herself slowly sink into sleep, the descent halted by the sudden recognition of the pattern being drawn on her back. Her eye welling up with tears, Gabrielle sighed softly as she felt those four words drawn into her skin, over and over again, Xena's fingers saying the words she couldn't bring her tongue to say.

'I love you too.'

"I mean it," Xena said out loud, her voice soft as she leaned down to place a quick kiss against Gabrielle's shoulder. "And not just when we're about to die, too," she added, laughing slightly and shaking her head. "I mean it in all the ways I can."

"I know," Gabrielle said with a sigh, turning her head to the side and raising it for a quick kiss. Reaching out, she drew the words herself into Xena's own skin, smiling up at the warrior lying in bed next to her. "We should get up," she said regretfully after a few moments. "Cyrene's going to be waiting for us."

"Mom can wait," Xena said, her eyes dancing with restrained laughter as she smiled mischievously down at her bard. "I have a couple more places I would like to write on."

Gabrielle laughed as Xena rolled them in bed, her hands moving to her sides, ticking the soft skin there with her written confessions of love.


End file.
